Proven: Sibling Bullying Harmful

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I love it when new information validates my personal theories and the TURNING STONE process with research and evidence. This past May, I posted an article, Sibling Insult, addressing sibling aggression, sharing my frustration with sibling bickering and bullying. My logical point of view of why accepting bullying behavior between siblings is simple and perhaps naïve no longer – it’s unacceptable. The Courier-Post ran an article in their Thrive Section as did multiple other media venues after the journal Pediatrics study released findings, proving sibling bullying is a relevant issue and has lasting mental health ramifications. See below articles from nbcnews.com, Times of India and stay connected with TSC as we continue to share relevant topics for teachers and parents.
http://m.timesofindia.com/life-style/relationships/parenting/Bullying-by-siblings-as-harmful-as-by-peers/articleshow/20649461.cms
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/parents-dont-ignore-sibling-bullying-study-warns-6C10327300

For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

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Empowering Choices Powering Lives

Empowering Choices Powering Lives

Bullying reports will go down when a prevention model is in place. The TURNING STONEchoice character education program will empower students to feel confident and to stand up. Bergen County teacher states. “In my classroom, I have seen most of my students empowered to be able to handle conflicts on their own. In most cases handle the conflict in a positive manner. I have also seen impulsive students really control some of their reactions. A huge benefit is that it empowers my quiet students to be assertive and share their feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. The climate in my classroom has become very positive and I feel a choice-making model truly helps us maintain our positive climate.”

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Excellent Resource- Bystander Behavior

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Pete is the new kid learning, “The kids in his new school are way different than at his other school.” Everyone is talking about the “Promise” but will Pete join the group or continue to be odd man out. The Juice Box Bully is a realistic journey of a bully and the real power students have when standing up for each other. Bob Sornson and Maria Dismondy present this book for primary grades, encouraging empowering choices under stressful interactions and giving children concepts related to bystander behavior.
Recent studies are confirming, students are the real solution to abusive and bullying behavior in schools. They have the power to set the tone of what is acceptable in their social settings. Yet, they often lack the skill set to make empowering choices. The Juice Box Bully is an excellent resource for students and teachers to discuss real life situations and how to make appropriate choices.
For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

The Truth Behind Bullying

Currently, there is an epidemic of hostile, violent, out of control behavior plaguing our schools, requiring our immediate action. Although attention and assistance must surely be given to victims, it is equally crucial to focus on the offenders, themselves. Simply put, no bully behavior, no victims.
Complicated and individualized histories exist behind bullies and the gamut of reasons for their behavior even more tumultuous. Long gone are stereotypical theories that promote a one-stop-bullying identification process. For instance, not all bullies were bullied by their parents.
There are some children who are more likely to bully others. According to a government study, “Some are well-connected to their peers, have social power, are overly concerned about their popularity, and like to dominate or be in charge of others. Others are more isolated from their peers and may be depressed or anxious, have low self esteem, be less involved in school, be easily pressured by peers, or not identify with the emotions or feelings of others.”1 With an identification that includes almost anyone and everyone at some point in time, a program that reaches students where they are emotionally at any given moment is essential.
Some school programs emphasis the typical rundown of what bullying is or is not, which on a surface level is important considering a few offending students might not otherwise become aware that their behavior actually falls within the realm of bullying. Yet, we need a solution holistic in its approach that includes an examination of interpersonal relationships and tackles the core issue- cognitive choice making. The truth is bullying is just a by- product of an immature and limited choice model; as are blame, self-pity, anger and other multiple obstacles that interfere with an individual’s effective self-empowering choices.
Turning Stonechoice is that holistic approach, a flexible program for developing students’ choice-making and critical-thinking skill sets. The program targets K-12 students and can be used as a stand-alone unit, a character-development lesson, or as enrichment material in content areas like reading, social studies or writing.
The program is comprised of four fundamental components: training, parent involvement, materials, and support. The combination of these components supports the TSC Process, which is core of our program, providing a vehicle for positive choice making in a non-competitive manner.

For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice
1. http://www.stopbullying.gov

The Land of Indiana: A true story of Bullying from the Past

Once upon a time, I lived in the land of Indiana during a time when you were bullied or harassed, you did one of two things: 1) fight or 2) run. I vividly remember the torment of elementary school, tortured solely based on my race, which seemed to bewilder and anger white and black alike. I made people feel uncomfortable being both and I never really fit into a perfect box for my peers to accept. Of course, there were exceptions and friends. However, for years people would ask me crazy questions like, “What are you?”, as if I were some alien visitor from another planet. I got use to it and sometimes would head people off from the inquiry because I could see the question scrolling across their eyes.
I believe my father was fully aware of what was coming my way when I started school. He told me with seriousness, “The moment someone screws with you, pick up a chair and hit them in the head with it.” My mother, the non-violent and non-confrontational one, horrified with my father’s stern advice, told me, “No fighting in school, just walk away.” Dad gave me the look. The look as if to say: “You better listen up, girl.” I journeyed off to school with a backpack of anxiety because I kept hearing my father’s voice in one ear and my mother’s non-violent message in the other. Their opposing points of view created a deep inner conflict as to which parent to actually obey. My young mind considered only the choices my parents presented for me and limited my choice-making selections to fight or run.
As my father predicted, the first day of school was filled with rudeness, insults and isolation. I stewed in anxiety and anger for the entire day, staring at chairs. At no point did any instruction or education pass through my ears or make it to my brain. Why was this happening to me? Was it because I was the new girl? Was it because of my race? For me, it made no sense.
At the end of the day I had picked my target, a girl who had been the most vocal with her disgust for me. I was sitting on my weapon, but I did not want to disobey my mother. I decided last minute to just run home once school ended and escape the nightmare but as I stood to leave the classroom, my original target spat on me on her way out.
In a blink of an eye, I dragged my chair into the hallway, out the nearest exit. There she was with a group of friends, staring at me as if she was ready for a fight, but she quickly changed her mind when my chair hurdled into the air and smacked her across the forehead. Super-shocked, she and her friends ran from the scene as I stood there, hyperventilating and having an out-of-body experience.
There was never any adult intervention from the beginning of the day to the end. I believe the chair was still on the side of the building the very next day. While some may feel my actions were justified, I believe there were other options for me to consider, like, informing a teacher as soon as I was insulted or clearly and firmly address my tormentor instead of silently seethe. Invoking scenes from a movie, I wish I could say my retaliation prevented further bullying, but it did not. For several years, by different students and different reasons, I was tortured daily in the Indiana school system.
Today there are so many other options for students and parents to consider instead of fighting or running. Violence begets violence and running from our problems never resolves our issues and challenges in life. Although great strides have been made to bring bullying issues to the forefront of discussions much still needs to be done to end this social ill.
There is encouraging news from the land of Indiana. On Monday, February 25, 2013, Indiana’s House of Representatives passed legislation that bolstered the current anti-bullying law to include training for teachers, cyber bullying and harsher punishments for offenders of the law. It awaits Senate approval and is expected to pass into law.
Although, I will never be a benefactor of the new law that passes, I am filled with hope for those children filling the halls in Indiana schools. Hope because many students, teachers and parents now have access to wonderful services that are available to them, like the TURNING STONEchoice program, which equips adults and students with the tools to empower themselves to make positive choices.
Please visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com for more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process.
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

More than Cruel – Change for the Bully

Often we hear about and can identify with the victims of bullying, but we have little or no understanding of or compassion for the bullies, themselves. As a society, we have wagged our fingers and submitted judgment, with superficial consequences, but we hardly dig deeply enough to root out the reasons and causes; and if those causes seem wildly insurmountable, we shrug our shoulders and give trite excuses: “Kids will be kids,” or “Kids can be cruel.” We do an incredible disservice in limiting our children’s behavioral choices. The Turning Stone Process believes in the ability of children to make choices that require critical thinking, creating a generation of children attaining inner fulfillment through their positive choices.
If we limit our children’s choices, saying, “Kids can be cruel” and the like, they will neither seek nor accrue knowledge of the multiple choices that do exist. This mentality merely perpetuates the problem and squelches positive change. Everyone has the power to transform–especially children. Scott Callahan, a high school senior and former self-proclaimed bully, is making such a change. When he became conscious of the damaging effects of his actions, he stopped his abusive behavior and wanted to influence others in a positive direction. Take a look at his inspiring story.
http://www.wsaz.com/news/headlines/Former-Bully-Stands-Up-to-End-Bullying-in-His-District-190458371.html
For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

Art Imitates Life

Art often imitates life and often reveals more than subject matter to social issues like bullying and permits purveyors of any medium to “feel” the people, places, and experiences of which we would otherwise lack real understanding.
Art in its many forms can reach and teach, unlike typical lectures or well- intentioned speeches, with incredible power. Watching the movie, Bully, will bring you to tears and have you hurting for the children and their families. Lady Gaga’s lyrics for “Born this Way” encourage her Twitter followers–over 19 million young people around the globe–to accept the unique individuals they are becoming. Multi-media showcases like You Will Rise Project can make one cringe over the brutal truth of a picture. From White Plains, an Off-Broadway production, gives insight into the life-long consequences a bully experiences while attempting to redeem himself, and the simple clear messages of stick-figure drawings by first and second graders during a Turning Stone Moment beacon the reality that children are capable of understanding the power in their actions and the effect those actions can have on another human being.
Art is a language that communes with the inner person and brings forth the emotion and drive to make change happen. It is the therapy we grasp when simple lines of communication cannot render the message or when the pain is so deep our voices become mute.
Unlock the voices of our students, our children, our future by equipping them with the tools that allow them to make self-empowering choices and positive decisions, to gain greater control over their lives, and to give them the freedom to express and explore their thoughts. Please visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com for more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process.
~Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice