Grit

Fall and get up

With over ten years of back-yard observation, I have witnessed scores of children “wipe out” a gazillion times. There is the simple trip-and-fall, the oh-that’s-gotta-hurt, and the paranormal tumble, with its subsequent ride to the ER. What has impressed me most throughout my years of observation is the one kid–no matter the classification of wipeout or injury—who stands up, brushes himself or herself off, and keeps on going. That is the kid who has “grit.”

Parents and teachers easily spot grit in a child. It’s the “thing” that gives you some assurance that this kid will be all right in life, because he or she can take the hard knocks and persevere.

How important is grit? Some researchers claim grit is a better predictor of success than I.Q. A 2013 report from the Department of Education claims that kids are learning to “do school,” but aren’t learning the skills they need in life– skills like critical thinking and positive-choice making, which are crucial to every area of life.

However, schools across the nation are becoming more proactive in recognizing the value of determination, effort, and hard work and are providing additional resources for the development of critical thinking skills, which improve self-confidence. One can argue that grit is just a byproduct of confidence, but, although we may see grit as a natural way for some, and not for others, researchers are hopeful that the qualities that define grit, like persistence, tenacity, and resilience, are teachable. The difficulty is trying to quantify the unquantifiable.

How can we develop grit? As parents and teachers, we can simply back off and let the struggles and natural consequences of life occur. Think of a butterfly working its way out of the cocoon. Without the struggle to free itself from the cocoon, the butterfly cannot develop the wing strength to fly, and it will die. It is a test of personal restraint, not to rescue students by giving hints to questions that may prove to be challenging or to take over tasks at home with which kids may struggle. Through every struggle, our children will develop persistence, resilience, and, finally, grit.

What are your “gritty” experiences as parents and teachers? Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.

For more information about our programs for parents and educators please follow http://www.turningstonechoice.com

Sammy@TURNING STONEchoice

SPRING IS HERE!

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Whoo-Hoo! Today is the official first day of SPRING! It may be frigid and . . . snow might fall down on us, again, but, March 20th is the day that marks a new season, a new beginning or rebirth. It’s been a rough winter, hasn’t it?

I look forward to the mild weather, the sounds of neighborhood children playing outside, breathing in fresh air, stretching chilled and tight muscles and soaking up sun rays that were hiding behind winter’s gloomy sky.

There is something about Spring that brings an inner smile to the spirit and a sense of calm. Could be Spring, also known as, Vernal Equinox is the time when the sun crosses the plane of the earth’s equator, making night and day approximately equal length all over the earth. In one word there is a balance in our world.

This could be the perfect time to reflect upon one’s personal balance with all of the choices afforded to each of us daily. New Year’s Day may mark the beginning of a new calendar year and repeated failed resolutions but Spring gives us a motivating edge with new adventures and possibilities.

I’m thinking it may be time to smell the flowers. What will you take the time to think through?

Happy Spring!
Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com

Teacher: The Real Four-Leaf-Clover

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Teacher, I know you have those marvelous kids in your class who struggle against unfathomable life circumstances, the ones you see trying to survive and attempting to get an education, but, at every turn, something or someone is blocking their efforts. And, you think, these kids deserve a break. It’s not their fault. They just need a little luck. At least, that is what has been on my mind and heart recently, with St. Patrick’s Day inching closer—Luck. However, I learned recently that the four-leaf clover, a symbol of good luck, actually represents much more, including Faith, Hope, and Love.

I can’t even begin to advise, in a quick article, on the way to reach and help those kids for whom our hearts ache. Circumstances can be tragically different from one student to the next. And, I know this can be depressing and discouraging, with a tinge of guilt in between.

This much I can tell you, teacher-friend. You are their good luck, Monday through Friday. You show up in their lives and present them with opportunity, encouragement, knowledge, care, and, for many of you, a whole lot of love. You are the symbol of the four-leaf clover, having faith in their abilities, hope for their futures, love for the unique individuals that they are, and crossed fingers for luck to come their way.

Good fortune may or may not chance upon them, but, because you show faith, perhaps they believe in themselves a little more; because you dare to hope for them, they begin to dream; and because you love them as they are, hurting and broken, they begin to love themselves. Perhaps, learning about themselves in this way empowers them to create their own luck.

Remember: You are someone’s good fortune. Thank you for being that teacher! Pass this along to your fellow four-leaf clovers.

Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com

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Daughter vs. Parents

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Did you hear the one about the 18-year-old daughter suing her parents for child support and college money? Unfortunately, no punch-line – I thought it was a joke, some kind of spoof. I mean, who sues their parents in broad daylight? Not to say that some children shouldn’t take their parents to court for crimes committed against them. The courts are filled with those horrifying cases.

Rachael Canning, an 18-year-old, New Jersey high school student, has taken her parents to civil court with charges of emotional abuse and abandonment and is seeking money for her private school and college tuition. Her parents claim no abuse has ever occurred, that Rachael simply refused to respect house rules, and that she left their home on her own accord.

This case has the full attention of New Jersey’s legal community, as well as parents across the nation, due to the possible ripple effect. A favorable ruling for Rachael could establish a precedent setting forth further parental responsibilities toward children of legal age no longer living at home. Such a ruling would encourage similar lawsuits against parents by children who feel entitled to certain amenities and would add to the workload of our already overburdened court system.

It is quite easy to have the knee jerk reaction to such an event, especially if you are a parent (personally I did). The comments and posts have slammed Rachael as a spoiled-rotten child, filled with a sense of entitlement. Yet, the question remains: Who sues their parents? A hurting person lashing out and making decisions based on pain and wounds without a critical thought process taken place or a time of reflection and consideration of other people. Rachael, herself, has admitted in an email to her parents, “I’m my biggest enemy and do realize that a change has to be made.” The abrupt moment from childhood to adulthood is filled with enormous challenges, and our youth are completely unprepared to make effective choices that define adulthood. We cram the abc’s into their heads and hearts with fun carefree songs but as a society we hardly lay the foundation to developing empowering choices.

On the other hand, we should not simply assume that Rachael’s accusations are false. After all, victims of abuse must summon a huge amount of courage to come forth and speak up, and there are too many people in this world who have been abused and ignored because the evidence was not verified. Yet, if the accusations are, indeed, false, then we come back to a young woman who is hurting and in need of help.

Any way you look at this case, it is disturbing and warrants a dialogue on resources for families struggling with conflict and challenges that land them in court.

Share your thoughts and resources.

Sammy @TURNING STONEchoice

For more information on TURNING STONEchoice and its process, visit http://www.turningstonechoice.com